En direct la vie au maximum

goddamnitobama:

So last night my mum wouldn’t let me have any sweets because she said they were all for the trick or treaters so i put this mask on and went out the back door and went around to the front and said trick or treat and she didn’t recognize me and she said “since i don’t think we’ll be getting any more tonight you can the rest of this bag my daughter will have them otherwise” and then i went back in

i love myself

(via timdrakesrainbowbeard)

During a math test

• Me: my answer = 23
• Answer choices: 170, 195, 264, 362
• Me: well 170 is closest to 23, so that must be the answer.

sansaofhousestark:

arianne—martell:

Every time I think of the black market, I actually imagine a market, with little stalls selling illegal things like nuclear weapons and organs.

(via timdrakesrainbowbeard)

khajiduh:

if i were famous, i’d go to a red carpet event in a fashionable tan leather dress, and when they asked me who i was wearing, i’d say ‘i don’t know her name, but she had a beautiful complexion, didn’t she?’

(via foxyabomination)

celeryandhummus:

our kids will probably attend a middle school dance where the theme is the 2010’s

they’ll wear leggings with ugg boots and twerk to “call me maybe”

(via foxyabomination)